Enchanting Adoration
by Lobstersaremyfriends
Summary: She couldn't be falling for her best friend's brother. Could she? AU, Ross/Rachel fic, with some Chandler/Monica and Joey/Phoebe thrown in there too for you guys. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**_Do I look like I own Friends? I do? Well, that must be because I'm fabulous. But I don't._**

**_I had to take my previous songfic down, apparently doesn't allow that. :(_**

**_But a few of you asked for a multi-chapter story from me, and I just finished finals, so I will oblige and write this. Prepare for a new chapter every week. If I don't deliver, sorry, but I have a lot going on this summer._**

It is Saturday night, and I am on my way to do my laundry. Not out on a date, but doing laundry. I'm not entirely sure when my life became this boring. But surely I couldn't have always been like this.

I haven't really had a boyfriend in about six months, just a few dates. When Joshua and I broke up, I realized I wanted to be on my own for a while, you know, being independent.

Monica stands before me, clad in a black flowing dress and stiletto-heeled boots. She is going out for a double date with Chandler, her longtime boyfriend and our across-the-hall neighbor, and Joey and Phoebe. Monica is my roommate and my best friend. When I left my ex-fiance at the altar about two years ago and was a spoiled brat, she was here for me and gave me a place to live and three new friends, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler.

Phoebe and Joey are going out as well, but they are much less serious. Joey finally got up the courage to tell Phoebe about his feelings for her about three months ago, and they have been going out ever since.

Monica is a great person, she's a chef. She is totally obsessive-compulsive. One time, I spilled spaghetti sauce on the couch cushion, and I still have nightmares about what she would do to me if she found out. She was my best friend growing up. She also used to be really fat, too, but then she lost a ton of weight and looks gorgeous now.

Chandler is a statistical-no, that can't be right- transponding- I don't think that's it either- well, I just know it has something to do with numbers. He hates it. His parents divorced when he was a little kid, leaving him with severe emotional issues. He frequently uses sarcasm and humor as a defense mechanism.

Joey is Chandler's roommate, he's an actor, and he often comes across the hall and steals the food from our refrigerator. Joey and Chandler are best friends, and Joey is obsessed with Baywatch. He used to play Doctor Drake Ramoray on Days of Our Lives (I am a big soap opera fan).

Phoebe, well, is... _Phoebe._ There's really no word to describe her. She is a massage therapist, and she also plays the guitar, sings, and writes songs that she sings in the downstairs coffee shop, Central Perk. Her mom committed suicide when she was fourteen, and she lived on the streets for a few years. Phoebe also has an evil twin named Ursula. Even though her life was hard, Phoebe is the most optimistic person I know, and she can always bring a smile to your face. She is a wonderfully weird person, although sometimes I wonder if she makes special brownies, if you know what I mean.

Phoebe breezes through the door to our purple apartment and hums her newest song, "Little Black Curly Hair". Suddenly, I'm glad I'm not going tonight.

Monica suddenly remembered something. "Oh, you guys? My brother is going to be moving in right across the street, and he's coming tomorrow. We're going to go help him unpack and bring him food. Kay? Good."

"Wait, is this Ross? Used-to-have-a-crush-on-me-in-high-school-Ross?"

"The one and only."

"Is he cute?" Phoebe asks Monica.

"Phoebe!" I exclaim. "You have a boyfriend!"

"Umm, I was talking about for you, I mean, he used to have a crush on you, maybe it would come back!"

"Oh." I walk to get my laundry from my room.

Before I leave, I hear Phoebe saying aside to Monica, "Do you have a picture of him?"

I suppose I should tell you about myself. My name is Rachel Green. I live in the West Village with my best friend Monica Geller. Chandler Bing and Joey Tribbiani live across the hall. Chandler and Monica are together, and Joey and my other best friend, Phoebe, are also a couple.

About four years ago, I ran out on my wedding because I didn't love him and I didn't want to live that lifestyle, I wanted to be independent. I found Monica and she offered me a place to live, and she took me under her wing. I found four new friends, the best friends I could ever have.

As I walk down the street to the laundromat, I accidentally bump into a man. He couldn't be much older than me, only about twenty-eight or twenty-nine.

"Hi-hi," I stammer as I look into his gigantic chocolate-brown eyes. They are the sweetest eyes I have ever seen, and they remind me of being wrapped in a giant fur blanket.

"Hi, sorry," he says gingerly. He is tall, with dark brown hair and tan skin. He has a bag full of laundry slung over his shoulder, he must be going the same place as I am.

"You doing laundry tonight too?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I have some people to make a good impression on tomorrow, so I need clean clothes." He chuckles. "Wanna walk with me?" He holds out his arm, like a true gentleman. I take it and we begin walking.

"Might I ask who?" I feel like I'm being a little bit nosy, but he doesn't seem to mind.

"My little sister's friends. I just moved here, and I'm living right across the street from her, so she's going to introduce me to them."

I realize that this man must be Ross. "Wait, let me guess, you're Ross Geller, and your little sister is Monica."

"Whoa. Are you, like, psychic or something?" He sounds incredulous.

"No, that's more Phoebe's department. I'm Rachel, Rachel Green. You just got a head start on meeting Monica's friends. I'm her roommate."

"No way. Rachel Green? Oh my god, I can't believe I didn't recognize you! You were the prom queen, the homecoming queen, the cheerleading captain..."

"Well, you probably didn't recognize me because of the nose."

"Oh, your nose is different. Didn't you have a nose job because of your deviated septum or something?"

"Yeah, but I'm glad it got fixed, I mean, it was the size of Connecticut or something." Am I really _that_ stupid? Did I just humiliate myself by talking about my old nose in front of the cutest guy I have ever seen?

Wait. No. I don't have a crush on him. I don't, I don't, I don't. Maybe a little one.

"So, is Monica as bad as she was growing up? Is she still OCD?"

"You bet. She still has those rules."

"Feet on the floor, or come over no more!" We both say in unison, then laugh.

We are so in sync! We are perfect for each- no, I don't like Ross. No. _No_. Come on, Rachel, I don't like Ross, _I don't like Ross_, I do not have a big huge crush on my best friend's brother.

"After we finish our laundry, would you like to come out to dinner with me?" He asks me.

"That sounds wonderful!"

_Maybe I do._


	2. Chapter 2

_I don't own Friends, I wish I did._

_Author's Note: Okay, I got some really nice reviews, and I am on summer break, so I decided to update early. I think since I have more time, then I will post more than I said I would._

_Please review more, they are like candy to me!_

Chapter 2

"So how's Chandler?" Ross asks me as we wait for our food in a little pizza place in Little Italy. "I haven't seen him since college ended."

"He's good, sarcastic as ever," I say. "He's got a job doing transponding-no, data- that can't be right either- whatever, he'll tell you tomorrow. So, why haven't we seen you for almost five years?"

"Well, I guess you and Monica just drifted apart during college, and then I was in Arizona for about a year for a dig, so I guess I just never saw anybody except Monica."

"So what have you been doing all this time?" I ask him. It's interesting to really get to know him, this is more time than we had ever spent together during high school or college put together.

"I met a girl, and we fell in love." Damn it. "We got married." Ouch. "Then we had a kid, he's about eight months old." For God's sakes, why? He's so gorgeous and wonderful! "And then she turned out to be a lesbian. She told me when she was, like, a month pregnant."

"That sucks, I'm sorry." Not sorry,_ not sorry at all_, more Ross for me. Plus, how cute would a little baby Ross running around be? Talking about dinosaurs and fossils and stuff?

"It's okay, she's happy with her lesbian life partner, I'm in a happy relationship with this great girl, Eloise, and everything's okay."

So he does have a girlfriend, I am so stupid. Well, I can't get myself out of this mess now. I already like him and have a crush on him. Oh, well. They could break up, there is a high probability that they will.

"What about you? Any boyfriends? What have you been up to?"

"After I got out of college, my parents set me up with this guy, Barry, and after a while of dating him, they threatened to cut me off if I didn't marry him. So on our wedding day, there was an incident with a gravy boat, a realization, and then I ran off from the wedding out the bathroom window. I found Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Pheebs, and Monica offered me the spare bedroom in her apartment. I've been her roommate ever since."

"Huh. Wow. That's incredibly brave of you to do."

I giggle. "Not really, Monica was the one who helped me through all that."

"So, what's up with her?"

"Funny you would ask that. She is seeing Chandler. She's still a chef, just at a new restaurant called Alessandro's."

"Chandler is going out with my baby sister? Oh my god. Chandler and Monica? _Chandler_ and _Monica_? But... But... Thanksgiving! She cut off his toe!"

"Yes, she did, and there is a long backstory to that."

"She _meant_ to cut off his toe?"

"Not exactly..." I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. I wish I had never said anything.

He pauses for a moment, then asks. "What does that mean?"

"It means she wanted to humiliate him, then she asked me, and things got a little out of hand. See, she wanted to make him pay for calling her fat, then she asked me, and I said we should lock him out of the house while he was naked, so she tried to use a knife to seduce him and accidentally dropped it and cut off his toe. You know the rest."

"Oh. My. God." His words cut deep into my brain, bringing back painful memories that no one should ever have to experience.

"You sound like Janice," I scoff.

"What?"

"Chandler's ex. She was so annoying."

The waiters bring our food out. He digs into his pizza.

I laugh. "You always did love pizza, didn't you?"

"Yeah, Miss Caesar Salad, you never change either!" He smiles at me.

"Very true."

We talk for hours until the restaurant closes. "Umm, sir, the restaurant is closing now," the pimple-covered waiter squeaks. "You and your girlfriend have to leave, I'm sorry."

He nods, pays the bill, sets a few bills on the table, and holds out his arm for me. I get up from my chair.

He didn't even argue that I wasn't his girlfriend! That must mean he likes me at least a little, right? But he has a girlfriend, if he doesn't love her, then he wouldn't be with her, right? Maybe he just didn't feel like protesting right then. Damn it.

"You really didn't have to pay the bill, I could have paid," I protest.

"Please, a true gentleman never lets the lady pay the bill!"

"Come on, Ross, I can pay!"

"Not when you're with me."

He walks me to my apartment building, then stops in front. "I better go. I have to get up early to move in. But I'm going to be right across the street, even on the same floor as you, we'll be able to see each other from our windows!"

"That'll be so cool! You can come over whenever you want, the guys already do it every day."

"Tell Monica I can't wait to see her!"

"I will! Thanks for dinner!" I walk up to him and kiss him on the cheek. He kisses me back (on the cheek, of course, ugh).

I make my way up to my apartment dreamily.

"Rachel! Are you drunk or something?" Phoebe asks as I bump into her outside our apartment.

"What? No, I just met this amazing guy, and he's so caring, and nice, and handsome, and he's perfect for me!"

"Let me get Monica and send the guys away. _Monica!_" Phoebe calls into the apartment. "Kick the guys out and grab the vodka!"

Within seconds, Chandler and Joey both get out of the apartment, pouting.

"This better be important," Chandler scowls.

"Yeah, I didn't get to finish my potato," Joey looked at me like a puppy who had been kicked.

"Too bad! Rachel has something she wants to share right now, immediately, so get out of our apartment!" Monica shouts from inside.

We get situated with a bottle of vodka in the middle of the table, and we begin.

"What's he like?" Monica, ever eager to know, asks.

"He's nice, and gentlemanly, and caring, and _so handsome._ He's got brown hair, and brown eyes, and he's kinda tall." I swoon over the image of his face in my mind.

"How did you meet?" Phoebe squeals.

"We were going to the same laundromat and then we went out for dinner later."

"What do you think of him?" Monica asks me.

"I _love_ him!" I whine as I take a swig off the bottle.

"What's his name?" Pheebs questions.

"Ross. Ross Geller."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **

**I really don't own Friends. How cool would it be if I did, though? I mean, I would be so rich that I would be sitting on a pile of hundred dollar bills right now.**

**Please review more, I need motivation to keep this story going! I need help! Praises, criticisms, stuff I can work on, give me all that! I need it if I want to get better!**

**By the way, this chapter is going to ****be a little bit shorter, but I wrote a song for you people, be grateful!**

**Thanks!**

Phoebe spit her vodka in my face.

"What-what-what?" Monica splutters.

"Her-Monica's-" Phoebe tries to speak, but trips over her words.

"My _brother_?" Monica practically screams at me.

"Yes," I sigh.

"How? I mean, my brother? What?"

"I know, I know. It's so weird, right?"

"No kidding."

"And he's already got a girlfriend! Her name is Eloise, and he is so happy! Ugh!"

"Sweetie..." Pheebs hugs me. "I can bake you some of my famous oatmeal raisin cookies if you want, I know how much you love those and I think they've been feeling a little left out lately, so I can whip you up a batch."

"That would be so nice of you!"

"Well, I'm a very nice person."

She gets up to get the ingredients from the kitchen, and I plop down on the couch again and bury my face in my hands.

"I'm a pathetic loser, I find a perfect guy and he's in a perfect relationship."

"Phoebe, get the ice cream too! The good kind, not the shitty low fat stuff!" Monica calls to her. "She needs it!"

"I kinda figured that!"

"Stop screaming, I've got a headache, I'm so drunk!" I shout at the both of them.

"Why can't you find a good guy? I mean, Paulo cheated, Joshua scared easily, Barry was in a relationship with Mindy, I mean, what is wrong with you?" Phoebe says.

"Wow, way to be painfully blunt and kick me when I'm down. I honestly ask myself that question all the time." I sob into Monica's shoulder while she rubs my back and hugs me. "I wanna just be with him, I like him so much!"

"I know you do, sweetie, I know you do. Do you want me to call the guys over to talk you through this? They know more about the situation, they're... guys!"

"Yeah. They would know what I should do."

"Joey! Chandler! Get your lazy asses over here!" Monica shouted across the hall while keeping her hand on my head on her shoulder.

Within seconds, the guys were in our kitchen. "What?" Chandler asked. He was wearing his pug slippers and Rainbow Brite t-shirt.

"You _sure_ you're not gay, Chan?" I ask him.

"I happen to like Rainbow Brite!" He says defensively and crosses his arms. "Now, what?"

"Rachel has a dilemma. A _very big_ dilemma. And we need a guy's advice." Phoebe calls from in the kitchen. "Rachel has a crush on Ross, Monica's brother Ross, but he's in love with some Eloise girl, and she loves him back, and Ross is coming over tomorrow and she's so worried and she wants Ross!"

"I have two words for you," Joey says. "Threesome."

"That's one word, and _eww_!"

"May I suggest something, from the perspective of someone who actually _knows_ him?" Chandler asks.

"Be my guest, I've got nothing," I sigh.

"Why don't you just hang on? Ross will fall for you and leave Eloise, you're just... Perfect! And you two will be together forever! And then can I be the best man? I was the best man at his first wedding!"

"Thanks, Chan. I feel better now. Kind of. Oh well, that earned you some vodka. Sit, take a swig."

I sit up and Phoebe brings me some ice cream.

"_Ooh, chocolate fudge brownie_!" I squeal like Joey does whenever he gets pizza. Or sandwiches. Or any food, for that matter. "At least Eloise lives in Vermont."

"See, there? Easier to edge her out of the picture. She's far, far away."

The timer goes off and the cookies are done. Pheebs pulls them out of the oven and smiles. "Now just wait a few minutes, then we'll have cookies!"

The cookies are, as always, delicious. Course, I don't get but two because Joey eats seven.

"Your oatmeal raisin cookies are delicious, babe!" Joey says to Phoebe in between mouthfuls.

She kisses him on the cheek and leans close to him. "Thanks, sweetie!" She jumps up all of a sudden, startling us. "I forgot! I wrote a song today!" She runs and grabs her guitar, then comes back and sits down cross legged and starts to play. "It's called 'Pigeon'."

The lyrics go like this: "That one weird pigeon in Central Park, it doesn't meow, or squeak, or bark. It doesn't sound like a parrot, a gull, or a lark. It doesn't sound like a hedgehog, a lobster, or an aardvark, oh no, that one pigeon in Central Park!"

Even though it is the best of her songs that I have ever heard, it is... awful. But we clap and cheer for her, and she stands up and bows.

"I'm gonna play it in the coffeehouse tomorrow!"

"That's... great!" Joey tries to be a supportive boyfriend. He treats her so well, it's so adorable.

I pour some vodka into my mouth and plop down onto the couch. It tastes bitter at first, but I get used to it. After a while, I am so drunk the room starts spinning. The last thing I remember is Monica putting a blanket on me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Friends. If I did, I would be jetting off to brunch with Court, Jen, and Lisa, then playing tennis with Matthew, David, and Matt.**

**Author's Note: To make up for the really short last chapter (did you like my song, by the way?), I wrote a really really long one in here with some a) internal conflict, and b) some really good Ross/Rachel scenes.**

**Please review, this week is my birthday and that would be an amazing birthday gift!**

I wake up on the couch to a bright light and a knocking at the door. The clock on the side table says 9:47. _Shit._

Monica probably stayed over at Chandler's last night, and I would bet Phoebe did the same.

The knocking continues. I wrap the afghan blanket around myself and get up to go get it. My head is throbbing.

I throw open the door to see Ross standing there in a dress shirt and slacks. He is so adorable, the way he smiles when he sees me. His smile turns into a frown as he looks me up and down. "Rach? Are you okay? Are you..."

"Kinda. I guess you can tell by the fact that I'm still wearing my clothes from last night and me clutching my head, right?" He nods. "Come on in, I'm gonna take an ibuprofen and then go over to Chandler and Joey's to get everybody."

"This is a nice little apartment, it's so cute!" He remarks as I take some pain medicine. "So, how long have you lived here?"

"About two years, ever since I left Barry. You can just stay here, I'm gonna go get the guys and I'll be right back. Monica can make you some pancakes or something for breakfast, she does it all the time for the rest of us."

I walk across the hall and walk into Chandler and Joey's place without knocking. I walk past the foosball table and knock on both of their doors. "Get up, get up, get up! Ross is here!"

About five seconds later, Chandler and Monica come out of Chandler's room, Monica wearing Chandler's robe. Twenty seconds later, Phoebe and Joey slowly emerge from Joey's room, both rubbing their eyes.

"Huh?" Phoebe asks me groggily.

"I said, Ross is here. He's in our apartment, waiting for us. Come on." I grab Phoebe's hand and we trudge back to the apartment.

He stands up whenever he sees us. "Hi-hi, I'm Ross, you two must be Joey and Phoebe!" He shakes both their hands. "Chandler! Monica! It's been forever since I've seen you two! And Rachel told me about the two of you, I'm happy for you guys!" He hugs Monica and handshake-hugs Chandler. You know, where the guys mid-five handshake, then pull each other in and pat each other on the back. "I met Rachel last night and I saw her again this morning, so we're acquainted." He gives me a friendly kiss on the cheek.

I beam at Monica and Phoebe, who shoot me encouraging looks. I clear my throat. "You know what we should do, you guys? Today we should take him to Central Perk once we're done moving his stuff in."

They nod. "I want coffee now, though!" Joey whines.

"Baby, you can get coffee to go, then," Phoebe coos to him.

God, I want a relationship like that, where you are best friends as well as soulmates, just like Joey and Phoebe or Chandler and Monica. They are just perfect for each other. They can't stand to be away from the other, and they share everything with each other. I could see that happening with a certain someone. Someone who happens to be standing right me, who just kissed me on the cheek, who is wrapping his arm around my shoulders right now!

I feel like a fifteen year old girl, all lovesick and puppy eyes and stuff. I hate it, but I love the feeling that I get. It makes me feel so happy whenever I'm around him. His eyes are just staring into mine, they look at me so tenderly. It's just perfect.

I snap out of it quickly. He has a girlfriend._ He has a girlfriend._ He's in love with her. _He loves her._ So just stop thinking about it, Rachel. _Don't_ think about grabbing him and kissing him and pulling him close and snuggling with him._ Don't_ think about all the things that you want to do. Think about the things that you _should_ do. For example, you_ should _say something to avoid sounding stupid. You_ should_ just become his friend first.

Instead of doing what I should, I lay my head on his chest and bury my face in his shirt, inhaling the smell of his cologne. It smells like the sea, a bit salty, and yet it smells a little bit lemony. He drapes his arm over me protectively and rests his hand on the small of my back. I could stay like this forever,

"Ready, Rach?" He asks me. I look up at him. "The rest of them already went to Central Perk."

"Oh, yeah, let's go!" I lead him downstairs and across the street to Central Perk, where Monica and Phoebe are sitting on the couch, and Chandler and Joey are sitting in the chairs. They see us and wave.

"Hey, we thought we'd just swing by here to wake up with some caffeine first, we saved you guys spots on the couch." Monica pointed to the space beside her. Ross sat down by his little sister and I sat down on the end. "So, how's my nephew?" Monica asks him. "I haven't seen him for almost four months! He's, like, a year old now?"

"His first birthday is in three weeks, Carol and Susan are throwing a party at their apartment in the Financial District. You guys wanna come?"

A chorus of "Sure!" comes from all five of us.

"That's great!" Ross says excitedly. I can't wait to meet little Ross.

We spend about thirty more minutes talking in Central Perk, and then we head over to Ross's apartment, where the moving van is parked out front.

I try to lift up a box and fall down as soon as I pick it up. "What the hell is in this thing?"

"Dinosaur stuff. Dorky, I know, and Eloise keeps telling me to get rid of it, but I love dinosaurs, I mean, that's my job."

Time to swoop in. "I think that's _adorable_ that you love your job and your dinosaurs! I mean, you shouldn't listen to her, keep them, it's so cute and quirky!"

"Thanks, that means a lot! I'll get that box, it's too heavy for you." He winks at me and carries the box up the stairs.

Monica and Phoebe take me aside once Ross is inside.

"Way to swoop!" Monica pats me on the back. "Eloise will be out of the picture in no time, what with the head on his chest and the dinosaur toys thing! Good job!"

"Yeah, I mean, it was absolutely perfect!"

Joey and Chandler spot us talking and come over.

"Good job, Rach, he was talking like you were a queen or something!" Chandler congratulates me. "Now we need something to just push him a little over the edge and fall madly in love with you. Let's play a game at Monica's tonight-" Joey cuts him off mid-sentence.

"Strip Poker!" Joey seems so proud of himself with this idea.

"I was gonna say Truth or Dare."

"Well that works too," Joey pouts.

"Truth or Dare?!" Monica practically screams at us.

"Umm, yeah."

"Oh my gosh, just let me go pass Johnny a note that I like him first!"

"Come on, Mon, sweetie! Truth or Dare isn't just for thirteen year old girls!"

"Well, then, I'm gonna beat you all!"

"Mon, that's not how you play Truth or Dare."

"Damn." She sulks while Chandler comforts her.

After finishing moving and unpacking Ross, we head to our apartment (since Monica insisted on unpacking everything, Central Perk was closed).

"Let's play Truth or Dare!" Chandler suggests.

"Yeah! I love Truth or Dare!" I squeal.

"Let's play!" Phoebe winks at me. "I'll go first. Monica, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"What is your biggest fear?"

"Umm, a messy apartment filled with unpaid bills- I mean, losing Chandler. Definitely losing Chandler." She shakes her head no over his shoulder.

"Okay, my turn!" Monica says. "Chandler, truth or dare?"

"Dare!"

"I dare you to lick Joey's neck!"

"Eww! I don't _wanna_!"

"Too bad, you picked dare!"

"Fine," Chandler grumbles. He comes about an inch away from Joey's neck, then sticks his tongue out and barely touches it. "Eww! Eww!"

Chandler turns his attention to me. "Miss Rachel Green, do you pick truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to kiss Ross for three minutes straight. With tongue."

"What?" I act shocked.

"Hey, you were the one who chose dare, and you can't change it. Ross has to participate since he's also playing."

I take the gum out of my mouth and set it down.

"Okay. You ready?" I ask Ross.

"Ready as I'll ever be," he says with a hint of a smile on his lips, the corners of his mouth upturned.

I lean close, and he comes close as well. His breath smells like peppermint. He smirks and then he becomes serious, looking deep into my cerulean eyes.

Our lips come just centimeters away from one another, and then they meet. It is fierce, yet gentle, and fiery, yet cool. My mouth opens and he gently slips his tongue into mine, swirling it around. He takes his tongue out of my mouth and bites my bottom lip, so that I am kissing his top lip. He wraps his arms around my frame, encircling me in his strong arms. I move my legs so that I am sitting on his lap, and I place my hands on either side of his face. After a while, we sort of melt into it, just relaxing. I can feel a smile on his lips. I curl my toes. He moves his head so he is kissing my neck and nuzzling it with his nose. He kisses my neck for the remainder of the time.

Before anything else happens, Joey calls out, "Time!"

We both sit up and look at each other awkwardly. He lets go of me and I get up and shuffle back to my seat on the couch.

"Phoebe, truth or dare?" I ask the blonde girl sitting beside me.

"Truth."

"If you weren't going out with Joey, would you say yes to Gunther if he asked you out?"

"Umm, yeah, he's hot!"

"Did not see that one coming," Joey muttered.

"Hey, Phoebe, didn't you leave my hairbrush that you borrowed at Chandler and Joey's?" I ask her. Our eyes meet and I indicate that I want to talk to her alone.

"Oh, yeah, let's go get it!" I follow her out the door.

Once we're in Chandler and Joey's apartment and the door is shut, I squeal. "Oh my God, we kissed, we kissed, _we kissed_! For three straight minutes! With tongue!"

"I know! God, he looked like an amazing kisser!"

"Ohh, he was!"

"Looks like it!" Phoebe points to a spot on my neck, the spot where he'd kissed. "Is that a hickey on your neck?"


	5. Chapter 5

_Hi, guys! I wasn't able to get on for a while, but I'm back! _

_Thanks for the birthday wishes! I had a great one! _

_Thanks to all those who reviewed, especially Blunz, who has reviewed since the first chapter!_

_Without any further ado, here's chapter 5!_

Phoebe points to a spot on my neck, the spot where he'd kissed. "Is that a hickey on your neck?"

"A hickey?" I ask her, incredulous. He couldn't have given me a hickey.

"Yeah, it's, like, purple! Whoa."

"I bruise badly. My bruises don't go away for weeks! One time in high school, I got a hickey and it stayed there for two weeks. I had to buy and wear ten scarves, and it was summer!" I wince, reliving the painful memories in my head.

"Rach, it's awful."

"I'm sure it can't be that bad, Pheebs."

"Go look in the mirror if you don't believe me."

I run into Joey and Chandler's bathroom, look in the mirror, and scream. There is a purplish-pinkish bruise the size of a quarter on the side of my neck.

"Oh my god, Phoebe, I have a hickey! What can I do?" I yell from the bathroom.

"Wear turtlenecks. Or scarves."

"No shit! But the thing is, it's almost summer!"

"Come on, the guys are probably wondering where we are by now."

"But Ross is gonna see!" I panic. I don't want Ross to see me with this ugly purple thing that he gave me. Would he want to know he gave me one? It's so awful-looking, I look like a whore. But still, I'm glad Ross is the one who gave me one. My lips still tingle from the kiss. That amazing, fantastic, spectacular kiss. I'm still breathless, even fifteen minutes later. God, he's a fantastic kisser. My thoughts snap back like a rubber band to the current situation at hand. There is a ginormous hickey on my neck, and I can't do anything about it without getting a heat stroke.

Phoebe doesn't care, though. She takes my hand and leads me out the door, pulling me into my apartment.

"No! Phoebe! I don't wanna! Jeez, where did you get this strong?"

"I used to have to pull my stepdad around on a box cause we didn't have bikes. It was fun!"

When we get into the apartment, I put my hand on the hickey, then immediately regret it.

"Oww!" I scream.

All heads turn towards me. I try my best to cover the hickey with my hand, but Monica knows that something's up. She has some magical sense for that sort of thing.

"Rach, what's up? Why are you covering your neck like that?"

"No reason, really. No. None at all. I'm fine. I'm not covering my neck for a reason. Nope. I'm not. Really, I'm not. Totally good."

She pulls my hand away from my neck and gasps. "Rach?"

Phoebe looks over and sighs. "It's gotten worse. It's terrible. Go look."

I walk with my hand covering it to the bathroom, and it's now a dark purple color, the color of a plum. I can hear Joey, Chandler, and Ross asking the girls, "What is it? What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong." I exit the bathroom. "I got a hickey."

"Ooh, Phoebe and Rach! Girl-on-girl action!" Joey exclaims.

"No, doofus. I gave it to her when I was sucking on her neck," Ross explains.

"Sorry, Rachel, I really am sorry."

"It's okay. It's totally fine."

"Do you mind if I look?" He asks me. I reveal the plum-colored bruise to him, and he inhales sharply. He tenderly strokes it, and I gasp. "I'm really sorry, Rachel-" I cut him off.

"It's fine, Ross, I swear.

"Okay. By the way, you're a great kisser. Good technique." He winks at me.  
"So are you! I mean, you're really good at the tongue stuff, and the neck stuff-"

"That's my brother, Rachel!" Monica sighs, exasperated. "Can you talk about this when I'm not around, cause eww!"

"We don't need to know all the details of the kiss either, we already got the live show." Joey points to himself and Chandler.

"Hey! I wanna know what parts I'm good at and what parts I could use work on!" Ross says. "It's my right as the guy to know!"

Phoebe crosses her arms. "Damn," she pouts. "I wanna know."

"I'll tell you later, I promise. We can make it a sleepover."

Phoebe uncrosses her arms and grins happily. "Good. Cause I really wanna know everything. Technique, would you recommend him, nuzzling, tongue, everything."

Chandler looks appalled. "You guys judge us on all that stuff? How do women ever get boyfriends? I mean, if there are that many requirements that we have to meet?"

"If they're not good kissers, then there are three options. One, break up with them. Two, train them. Three, we lead. Usually we train them without them knowing it. Like Monica did with you." Monica shoots me her death stare. "He wasn't supposed to know?" She shakes her head.

"You had to train me? Like I was a dog in obedience school or something?"

Chandler looks back and forth from Monica to me. "You didn't- you couldn't-" Monica smiles sheepishly and shrugs her shoulders. "Oh. My. God! You did! You trained me like a dog!"

"It's like whenever I accidentally let it slip that Veronica was adopted," Joey says. "She really freaked out about it. But this is way worse. You had to train him! That's cold, Mon. Even for you."

"Even for me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Um-um-um-Chandler gets pedicures!" Joey tries unsuccessfully to cover for himself. Monica just glares at him.

"So, do I need training?" Ross asks me.

I shake my head. "No, you're good." I assure him. "Very good. Very, very good."

"Well, I better get going, I have Ben tomorrow since Carol and Susan are going to an orchestra thing. I'll bring him over here so you guys can meet him." Ross stands up to leave, and he hugs Monica and kisses me on the cheek once more before exiting the apartment.

Monica and Chandler leave for Chandler and Joey's apartment. Monica spends the night there a lot. Joey waits a good thirty seconds since they have left, then heads to our fridge, grabs a sandwich, and leaves, so Phoebe and I are the only ones left in the apartment.

"Wow. Your aura's all pink and cloudy, but not in a bad way. More of an in-love kind of way. Oh my god. You love him. You love Ross, don't you? I can't believe I didn't realize this before! I'm usually really good at this! You are in love with Ross!"

"Phoebe! Stop talking so fast!"

She tilts her head, clearly asking me 'Are you going to answer my questions?' I have to, otherwise she will know.

"I don't love Ross!" I say just a little too fast. I can feel my cheeks turning bright pink. "I swear, I don't love him! This is a girl who is not in love! To be honest, I don't have any feelings for him anymore!" My voice is higher than usual. _Great job, Rach_._ Now she'll try to extract information from you._

"You're so lying!" Phoebe practically yells. "You are so in love with him! Just admit it!"

"Can it even be love? I mean, I've only known him for two days! How can I love him so soon? Is that even possible?"

"It's not about the length of time, it's about the feelings."

I sigh, my act is over. "You're right. I'm so not-in-my-right-mind, crazy-over-the-top, slit-my-neck in love with him! I do! I really love him! It's so painful, to be right here and have just kissed him and even having him give me a hickey, and yet not be able to tell him how much he means to me! Phoebe, help me!"

"Oh, sweetie..." Phoebe reaches her arms out just to give me a big hug. I guess she can kind of relate to what I'm feeling right now, she has been in love twice before. She knows how painful it can be, how it can shatter your heart like a hammer to a vase.

Something as simple as just a kiss on the cheek, how it can feed a hungry love that envelopes your entire body, completely taking over your mind. It's painful, unrequited love. I can tell you that much. It's sort of masochistic, holding onto something you know will never happen, for just that one tiny glimmer of hope. I know that I can't hold him, or kiss him, or wake up right next to him in his arms, and that makes it all the more painful. It hurts me, literally hurts me, in fact it kills me from the inside out, from how much I love him. I look at him, I look at those honey-colored eyes, enchanting me, I absolutely adore them. Hmm. Enchanting adoration. I like the sound of that. Enchanting adoration.

As she encases me in her arms, she whispers into my hair, "Even though it may seem awful now, just keep holding on. I promise you. It will all be worth it."

I pull back and look at her, puzzled by her words, even though they were quite straightforward. "And how do you know this?"

She winks at me and smiles an all-knowing smile. "I'm a psychic, Rachel, I know everything."


	6. Chapter 6

_Hello, my little Bananahammocks! I will be updating regularly, maybe more than regular (it kinda depends on my schedule). Thanks for the amazing reviews, and please keep them coming! I love you guys so much, and I hope you like this chapter!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Friends. If I did, it would be about to start its nineteenth season and I would be playing Emma._

The days pass, all six of us hanging out together. Ross is just the addition we needed to our little group, we needed the "smart one". From spending weeks together all day every day, Ross is one of my best friends, I couldn't live without him. I've come to rely on him for so much, from dating advice (this guy that I invited to my apartment for dinner sneezed repeatedly for the entire night) to a hug (Gunther yelled at me that day and I needed a shoulder to cry on) to protection (a guy kept harassing me trying to get me to go on a date with him at the coffeehouse).

Finally, the day of Ben's first birthday party comes. All of us dress up, Phoebe in a simple purple sundress and matching cardigan, Monica in a blouse and high-waisted skirt, Chandler, Joey, and Ross in dress shirts and slacks, and I in a simple strapless blue babydoll dress with a brown belt. Chandler, Joey, Monica, Phoebe and I share a cab to Carol and Susan's apartment to see the adorable little boy. We met him a few weeks back, and he is just cute as a button, he looks completely different from Ross but he reminds me of him in some strange way.

When we get there, there are about twenty people there. Ross is already there, talking with some girl I don't know, probably one of Carol and Susan's friends (we also met Carol and Susan, they are lovely women).

I go up to him and smile and hug him. "Hey, Mister Dino, what's up?"

He laughs and hugs me back. "Hey, here's someone I want you to meet! This is Rachel."

"Ahem. And you are the wannabe fashion designer who is just a waitress?" She glares at me, and I glare back.

"Relax! Rach, this is my girlfriend, Eloise. Eloise, this is one of my best friends, Rachel."

I survey the girl in front of me. She's gorgeous, of course, Ross is too handsome to be with someone who isn't pretty. She's wearing acid-washed high-waisted jeans and a green tank top paired with some black flats. She has almond-shaped brownish-yellow eyes. She has mousy-brown hair cascading like a waterfall to just past her shoulders. Her features are sharp, and she has a long pointed nose. Her face is slender, and she's short, so that Ross would have to bend down to kiss her. Ugh. I can't even think about him kissing her. "Ross and Eloise." That's what they are. There's no "Ross and Rachel" or "Rachel and Ross". Nope. Just "Ross and Eloise".

I already hate her. She's just so... Perfect. She lives in Vermont. She is über pretty. I can't stand the fact that Ross is with her instead of me. She's such a bitch. She called me a "wannabe"! She would probably blow a gasket if she knew what happened on the night of Truth Or Dare.

I extend my hand to her, shaking hers. "I'm Rachel. I'm Monica's roommate."

"I'm Eloise, like Ross already said." She shoots me the snootiest look I have ever seem, then turns to Ross. "Is there a bathroom or something we can go make out in?" She asks Ross, purposely, right in front of me.

"Let's not leave Rach," Ross says, giving me an apologetic stare.

"No, I was just gonna go look for the birthday boy!" I say, trying to hide my pinkening cheeks with my hands.

"Good," Eloise says. "Let's go, Ross." She grabs his hand and leads him away.

Monica is standing right by me and sees my awful situation. "Rachel, it's okay, do you want to go to the hall?"

"Yes." We go out into the hall and sit down. "God, Mon, I just love him so much... And she's... She's... Mean! That's what she is! Why is he with her? What does he see in her? She's a big fat bitch! God, I just... I feel so useless. I'm stupid. So, so stupid. Why couldn't I just

She hugs me and comforts me. I sob into her shoulder until I hear the door open, and that familiar, honey-sweet voice that has enchanted me for weeks speaks.

"Oh my god, what happened to Rachel? Rach, sweetie, are you okay?"

I nod and sniffle, not showing my puffy and bloodshot eyes to Ross. It would only make him more worried. "I'm fine. Go back inside, it's just something Monica said."

"Monica, what did you say to her?"

"I said something about her not cleaning her room and she called me OCD and then I called her a bitch, and now we both feel really bad about it."

"Go inside, Mon, cool off, I got Rach."

Monica squeezes me once more before letting go and passing me to Ross. He wraps his arms around me and I curl up into his shoulder like a child with their parent. He rubs my back to try to soothe me. Little does he know that he's the reason I'm crying.

"Go back inside to Ben and Eloise. Don't pay attention to the 'wannabe fashion designer'. I'm not worth it, I'm 'just a waitress'."

"What?" He looks appalled. "Monica said that about you?"

"No, Eloise did." I try to put on a brave face and brush it off, but that comment really got under my skin. I try my hardest, I really do.

"She said that? That's it. That's the last straw." Ross stands up, pulling me with him. He wraps his arm around my waist.

"The last straw?"

"In the forty-five minutes since she's been here, she's insulted Phoebe because she seemed too 'eccentric', Chandler because 'he's too sarcastic', Joey because he hasn't got many plays or TV shows or movies, Monica because she was loud, and you because you're 'a wannabe fashion designer and just a waitress' and also because you are 'too close to me'. So I'm done. Stick a fork in me, I am done!" He walks briskly through the door, towing me close behind.

We spot Eloise talking to Phoebe across the room. Phoebe is about in tears. We go up behind them and hear Eloise talking about how gross it was for Phoebe to have lived on the streets, that she might have been the reason her mother had committed suicide. Phoebe bursts into tears and runs to Joey, who wraps his arms protectively around her before shooting a glare at Eloise. I nod at Ross and he taps Eloise on the shoulder.

"Eloise, we need to talk. You can't go on insulting the people I love like this. It's just not okay, and I can't be surrounded by such a negative person all the time, I need someone who will be loving and supportive and nice to my friends. Eloise, I think we need to break up."

"After eight months of being together? You've known these people for four weeks!"

"And they know more about me than you do. I'm done."

"Fine! I've met somebody else already anyways!" She storms out of the apartment, leaving everyone in shock. All eyes are on us. I feel the blood rush to my face and my cheeks heat up. I let my short layered hair fall over my face, covering my eyes. They broke up and it's my fault. Guiltiness floods my body, and I tense up, nervous what Ross will think of me. I mean, it is my fault.

I look up at him, and instead of him being teary-eyed and angry, he smiles at me and runs his fingers through my hair. "Thank you," he says softly.

"It's no problem."

"No one insults my main girl. Plus, she insulted Phoebe, Monica, Joey, and Chandler, and that's not okay. I love you guys."

Oh my god. He called me his main girl! I'm his main girl! I'm more important to him than his girlfriend- I mean, ex-girlfriend! God, my life is so amazing! I feel like twirling around the room like a ballerina and doing a dance filled with pirouettes and pliés.

The rest of the day is amazing as well. Ben doesn't cry when Mon holds him, he smashes his face into the birthday cake, everyone gets along. It's all perfect.

That is, until Monica gets a call just as the six of us are outside and getting in the awaiting taxi.

"Hello? Hello? What? Who is this? What's going on? Oh my god! Rachel! Rachel! It's Amy! You need to come to the hospital!"


	7. Chapter 7

_I'm really sorry if this chapter isn't that great. I've been really, really violently sick for the past two days._

_I'm blaming this on Blunz, I got sick the day after I read the Lobster-breakup thing. Thanks a lot, Blunz. Just kidding, I love you! You're my faithful reviewer, and you are awesome! I don't think I would be continuing this story without you. And yes, I am an evil, evil person. But after the next chapter, I'm going to make Rachel happy, I promise (well, happier than she will be at the end of this chapter)._

_Dear CastleSWACLover, I'm sorry to disappoint, I know you don't like extremely emotional stuff, but I just felt like this needed to come into play because it will strengthen the bond between characters. I wish I didn't write this, I'm kind of angry at myself, but I needed a stronger glue to keep R&R close. I promise, this emotional stuff will all be over after the next chapter. _

_I'm also new at this emotional angsty stuff. _

_I really like critical reviews, they help me get better, tell me what I'm doing wrong and what I'm doing right._

_Please review, follow, and favorite!_

* * *

"Hello? Hello? What? Who is this? What's going on? Oh my god! Rachel! Rachel! It's Amy! You need to come to the hospital!" Monica yells at me.

"What happened? Is Amy alright? Let me talk!" I grab the phone from Monica's hand.

"Amy? What happened?" I scream into the phone.

Her voice is hoarse, and I hear muffled sobs from the other side. "Rachel, it's Daddy! He-he-"

"Oh god, Amy, tell me he's okay. Daddy's okay, right?"

"He-he had a heart attack. They don't know if he's going to make it. We're at Bellevue Hospital right now. Come as soon as you can. We don't know if he has a lot of time left." She chokes up at the end.

"I'll be right there." I hang up and stifle a sob. "Hey, actually, change of plans, Mr. Cab Driver. We need to go to Bellevue Hospital right away!"

Everyone except Monica looks confused.

"What happened, Rach?" Chandler asks me.

"Daddy. He had a heart attack." I sob uncontrollably, heaving and shuddering.

"Rach, that's awful!" Joey hugs me.

"I can try spiritual healing on him if you want. Maybe that'll work." Phoebe unsuccessfully tries to help me, but she ends up just making me more stressed.

Ross, who has been silent during this time period, wraps his arms around me and whispers into my hair, "Shh, Rach, everything's going to be fine, everything's going to be fine."

My daddy. He's been my main man ever since I was born. I mean, he's always been there for me. My first steps were towards him, and I fell into his arms afterwards. My first word was "dada". He bought me my first bike, he was the one who took me to my first day of preschool. He taught me how to sail. He is supposed to walk me down the aisle when I get married, to give me away, and now he might not be able to. I love him, I don't want to lose him.

I look down onto Ross's shoulder, now stained with my tears. My teeth chatter and my stomach turns. As we stop at the hospital, Ross takes my hand and leads me into the building, the others trailing behind. He leads me to the receptionist's desk. "Hi, we're looking for a Leonard Green. He was admitted today."

The grumpy receptionist looks up from her desk. "Room 201."

Ross hugs me tight and lets me rest my head on his shoulder while we walk towards the elevator. The four others follow behind us. Monica grabs my hand and squeezes it while she's holding onto Chandler. Those two are attached at the hip, I swear. There's never one without the other. Phoebe offers me a reassuring glance and smiles weakly at me. I try to smile back, but it's impossible and I break down into heaving sobs again.

I sink to my knees in the corner of the elevator and immediately the world starts to spin around me. I collapse and sob on the floor. I don't want to lose my daddy.

Before I know what's happening, I'm being scooped up into someone's arms. Tears blur my vision, preventing me from seeing who it is. It's either Ross, Joey, or Chandler. I don't care. I hug whoever it is as tight as possible.

"Can't-breathe-suffocating!" Chandler manages to choke out.

"Chandler, put me down!"

"No, I'm taking you to Room 201."

"Just sit down with me for a second."

He gently sets me down in a chair outside Room 287. "Rach, sweetie..."

"Chandler, I don't want to lose my daddy. I love him so much. And today I was called a wannabe fashion designer and just a waitress and Eloise was really mean! Chandler, I just want some stability!"

He gives me a big bear hug. "Come on, lets go see your dad, the guys are probably waiting for us there. Also, Amy and your other sister- is her name Jen? Jill? Anyways, they're there, too."

Chandler walks with his arm around me to my daddy's room. We pass Monica, Joey, Ross, and Phoebe going in, and Monica shoots me a thumbs up and a hopeful look as we pass by. I smile back.

We walk through the door and immediately I see Jill and Amy around my daddy. Jill runs up to me and hugs me, while Amy just stands there. Honestly, I like Jill better. She is a better sister. Course, she's not the best either. They're both spoiled, they both have been in relationships with my ex-boyfriends (while I was in a relationship with them, of course).

But I don't care. I just wrap my arms around my baby sister and let the tears fall onto her cashmere sweater. "They don't think he's gonna make it," Jill whispers. "They say the chances really aren't good. They say he probably won't, so we should prepare ourselves for the-for him to-" She starts sobbing.

As soon as Jill pulls herself together enough so that I can let go, Amy turns to face me. "Amy, when did this happen? How?"

"He was at home, Maria saw it happen, she was cleaning the kitchen, he was in the living room. It happened early this morning. We tried calling you, but you didn't pick up your phone."

I check my phone. Seventeen missed calls from Maria, Amy, and Jill. Seventeen. Guilt washes over me and floods through my body. Seventeen missed chances to be here earlier and see my daddy. What is left of him. If the doctors say he probably won't make it, then I believe them.

Bile rises up in my throat, a burning sensation, a bitter acid taste in my mouth. I choke it back down, trying to stay strong.

I walk over to his bed. He's just laying there, tubes sticking out of him. There's one down his throat, one in his arm, and several others connected at various points on his body. It's scary. He is very pale, and he looks fragile, so fragile that I'm afraid if I touch him he will break. I dismiss Chandler and he pecks me on the cheek before returning to the waiting room to go see the guys.

"Is Mom coming?" I ask Amy.

"Why would she? I mean, they are in the middle of a divorce. Were, I mean."

"Don't say that! He's not gone... yet." Jill pipes up from the corner.

"Jill, I'm just saying what will most likely happen. I honestly don't think he's going to live. You should just start thinking about what you're gonna do when he dies." Amy was being very blunt and rude to my baby sister. I never liked anyone being mean to her, so during this time I just lost it.

"You know what, Amy? Just shut up! We don't want to listen to this! You think Daddy's gonna die? Okay, then, you think about that! Don't talk about it to us, we're already fearing the worst but are trying to be optimistic! Ugh! I just can't even stand to be in the same room as you right now! Jill, come on. We're going." I pull Jill up and out of the room and leave Amy standing there, her mouth wide open.

I plop down onto the waiting room recliner, where my five best friends are sitting, waiting for an explanation.

"Amy is just... Ugh." Phoebe comes over and rubs my shoulders, while Jill sits on the arm of Joey's chair.

"Jilly, you okay?" I lean over and pat her on the back. She shouldn't have to go through this. She just graduated college. She should be off on her last big vacation with her friends before finding a job.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna stay out here and sleep for a little while. Ya know, I just don't want to go back there yet."

"Okay, I'm going to go to the cafeteria and get some coffee or something. Monica, can you stay here with her?" Monica nods. "Ross, can you come to the cafeteria with me?" I stand and he puts his hand on the small of my back. Even though I should be focusing on the situation, I can't help but feel over-the-top giddy about the fact that his hand is right on the small of my back.

Once we were out of there, he asked me "Rach, are you okay?" Stupid question.

"No, Ross, I'm not okay! Not at all! Would you be okay in this situation? I definitely am not, and I'm ninety-nine percent sure that you would not be, would you? An insane sister who wants to believe that your dad is going to die, a dad who probably will die! So does that answer your question, Ross? No! No! No, I am not okay, I am seriously not okay!"

I try to run, but he grabs my hand and clasps it in his. "It's okay to not be okay sometimes."

That's all he really has to say, and he knows it. He doesn't continue on, and I don't attempt to speak, and that's okay. We just walk silently, hand in hand, to the cafeteria.

I fill a styrofoam cup with coffee and pay and sit down at a table. Ross sits down across from me. "This was not how I'd wanted you to meet my dad." Course, I had wanted him to meet Ross as more than a friend, but I'd be happy for him to meet him as just a friend, if it meant he got to actually meet him.

"He's a total charmer," Ross jokes. I giggle a little. "There's my girl's smile, I missed it!"

We talk for a little bit more, then go back up to the hospital room.

Monica looks distraught when she turns around to face us. She looks at me and manages to utter one word to me. "Go." The voice is cold and broken and does not belong to her, but merely a ghost of the shiny, happy person (well, as shiny-happy as a person can get on a rainy day in a dreary gray hospital) that, just thirty minutes ago, was here.

I dash into the room and see the heart monitor beeping. Beep, it says, mocking me in my powerless position. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep. The nurses and doctors in the room surround him.

I grab his hand and he opens his eyes ever so slightly. He slowly draws a breath in, then exhales completely. Beeeeeeeeeeep. His hand turns cold, like stone grasping my hand. The twinkle in his eyes dies, it just fades, and his eyes become glazed over. He's dead. I can't stand his brown eyes looking so lifeless, so, gently, I close both of his eyes for him. Is it symbolic? I don't know. What is it that makes the eyes so significant? They can't see anything, why do we feel the need to close them in death? I guess it just feels right.

Something a doctor says strikes me. "Doctor Leonard Green is dead." The words echo in my ears.

Why did they say he was dead? He's not dead. He's not dead. No. In a few seconds, he'll open his eyes again and ask me why I closed them, and I'll say that I don't know. He just can't be dead.

Another doctor says, "Time of death: 5:42 PM."

No. I can't believe he's dead. He was only 63. That's too young for him to die. I can't believe it.

"We're going to take the body down to the mortuary."

What? No! They can't do that! They can't, they can't, they can't! No! This is unfair!

"Ma'am? We need you to let go of Dr. Green's hand."

I don't want to! He's my daddy! You don't even know him!

"Ma'am. Please let go of his hand."

I don't. I don't want to. I'm not going to. You can't make me."

"Umm, can someone help? She won't let go." The doctor calls into the waiting room.

Ross comes over and sees me holding on. He enters the room and strokes my face gently, then whispers into my hair, "Rach, you need to let go. Please? They need to take him."

I don't respond, I just moan unhappily in reply.

"Come on, sweetie. Please. I won't let you go, you can hold onto me."

I grunt a no.

"Rach, we really need to let them take him, okay? Come on. Come on."

I unwillingly let go of my daddy, the last time I will ever hold his hand, let alone touch him. I walk swiftly out of the room and into the waiting room.

There is a doctor there waiting for me, probably to sort out funeral arrangements. He starts talking his head off, and I can't deal with it. I wave my hands in front of me to signal for him to back off, but he just doesn't understand. Joey just comes up behind him, grabs his shoulders, and steers him away from me.

"Rach, I'm really sorry."

Still not talking, I motion my hands to say I'm fine. I know, he knows, everyone in this room knows I'm not. I grab onto his arms and break down. He just grabs my head and holds it on his chest.

Monica is the next one to join the hug. Then Ross, then Phoebe, then Chandler.

And even if my daddy did die, even if I'm never going to see the twinkle in his eyes again, even if I'm not okay, I know that that's okay because I have these five people in my life, and that's all that matters.

* * *

_If you were wondering why I did this, the answer is simple: I need a stronger glue between characters._

_The friendship didn't feel real to me until now._

_And if the author doesn't believe it, the reader doesn't believe it._

_Yes, Blunz, I am an evil, evil person for doing this. I feel really bad about danging Rachel over the fire._

_I have a few ideas for new stories, some one-shots/drabbles and some long chapter-stories. Would you all be interested in those? I have some big ideas that I really like, I just want to know if you all would read them._


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry I didn't update, it took me forever and a half to write this. I can't write angst quickly, it's really hard for me. **

**By the way, I know "Yellow" didn't come out till three years after this story is set, but I don't care. **

**Dear CastleSWACLover and Blunz, thanks for the great reviews, I can't help but grin like an idiot whenever I read them, they get me motivated to write more.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Friends. Or "Yellow". Or "Edelweiss". Basically, I own nothing except for a computer. And three dogs, but that's not really relevant right now.**

As soon as we leave the hospital, I am caught up in a whirlwind of emotions.

Confusion: What? What is going on? When am I going to see my dad again? When will this all be over?

Denial: He's not dead. He can't be dead. Soon, I'm just going to wake up and this will all be a bad dream and we'll go to Central Perk or something. I just fell asleep on the cab ride home. That's it.

Anger: You're so stupid, Rachel. You actually think this was just a dream? You stupid girl. He's dead, and it's because of you. You were the one who didn't answer her phone. You had seventeen opportunities to pick up the phone and be there. Maybe if you had been there sooner, he wouldn't be dead. You could've provided support. Then he wouldn't be dead. It's all because of you.

Then I finally stop on sadness.

You know, Rachel, he just died. You won't ever get to see him again. Your daddy. He won't be able to walk you down the aisle. He won't be able to see you get married to the love of your life. He won't be able to see the birth of his first grandchild. He won't be able to celebrate his seventy-fifth birthday, let alone his sixty-fourth. There are so many things that were just torn from him, that he will never be able to do, things that you had just assumed he would be there for.

You had the chance to have him walk you down the aisle, if only you had married Barry. If you had married Barry, you probably would have kids by now, grandkids for him. Maybe your life would be better if you had married Barry.

God, Rachel! What are you thinking? No! Your life is perfect the way it is, you have five best friends that are better than being rich and having kids and having a husband you don't love. He cheated on you with Mindy, anyways, that rat bastard. Remember how much he looks like Mr. Potato Head, and_ think_.

Monica touches my shoulders lightly, jolting me out of my thoughts and alerting me that we are in front of our building and everyone else has gotten out of the cab already. I nod and get out quickly.

She walks beside me and links her arm with mine, like we used to do when we were little on the playground. Everything was so much easier back then, whenever we didn't know what love was and no parents divorced and we didn't leave people at the altar and no one died and our biggest concern was that Johnny Martin took our Barbie dolls.

Once we get inside, Phoebe orders Chinese food. "Okay, so that's a Kung Pao Chicken for Ross, Beef Noodle Soup for Joey, Sweet and Sour Chicken for Chandler, Egg Drop Soup and Steamed Rice for Mon, Vegetable Lo Mein for me, and Shrimp Moo Shu for Rachel. That is, if she wants anything. You want anything, Rach?"

I shake my head no and head for my room. I lay down and close my eyes, and I am asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

* * *

I am in a dark room. The lights come on. It is my daddy's hospital room. He's laying on his bed, there aren't any tubes sticking out of him. His eyes open, and he smiles when he sees me. "Sweetie, I'm not dead."

All of a sudden, there is a rocking chair behind me. I feel a pair of eyes burning into my back, so I turn around and there is a man sitting there. He is wearing a red polo shirt and khaki shorts. He is about thirty, and he has light blonde hair. He looks like any other regular guy, except for his eyes. They are blood-red. He smiles, and there are fangs instead of regular teeth in his mouth.

The demon-man stands, and he walks over to my dad and grabs his hand. A scythe appears in his hand. "We're taking a trip," he says to my dad. He pulls Daddy out of bed, and instead of taking him up to heaven, they go down. Down, through the floors, down to hell. I am alone in the room, and the lights turn off.

* * *

I awake drenched in a cold sweat, dizzy and disoriented. Ross is sitting over me, his hands on my shoulders. "Wake up, Rachel! It's just a dream! You're just dreaming!" Ross sees my eyes open. "Oh, thank god, you gave me a shock! You were screaming at the top of your lungs, I was so worried about you!" I sit up and rest my head on his shoulder. He kisses my cheek and rubs my back. "Do you want to go back to sleep? I'll stay here with you to keep the nightmares away, I promise." I nod.

I lay back down and he tucks me in like a small child. My eyes are still wide open from the shock of the dream.

"I'll sing to you." Ross clears his throat, and releases a velvety smooth voice. "Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and everything you do. Yeah, they were all yellow. I came along, I wrote a song for you, and all the things you do, and it was called_ "Yellow"_. So then I took my turn, oh, what a thing to've done. And it was all yellow. Your skin, oh, yeah, your skin and bones, turn into something beautiful. You know, you know I love you so. You know I love you so." I shiver under the blankets. "Oh, you're shivering, poor thing! I'll get under the covers with you and warm you up." Ross gets under the blanket and puts his arm over me.

Before long, I'm asleep, a dream-filled sleep, but this time with happy dreams, yet still sad.

* * *

When I awaken the next morning, Ross is still in the same position he was in last night. Our faces are facing towards each other, and I am lying in the curve of his body. His shirt is slipping up ever so slightly, so that I can see his perfectly toned abs.

I sit up and watch him sleep. It's adorable. He doesn't snore, he just lays there. After a few minutes, his eyes begin to flutter, he's waking up.

I hum a lullaby that my daddy used to sing to me. I don't say the words, but in my head I am singing along. _"Edelweiss, edelweiss, every morning you greet me. Small and white clean and bright, you look happy to meet me. Blossom of snow, may you bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever. Edelweiss, edelweiss, bless my homeland forever."_

Instead of falling back asleep like I had hoped, Ross opens his eyes. "Morning, you." He smiles at me. His voice is groggy, yet still sexy. I could listen to him talk all day. "I'll make you some breakfast if you want." I nod, and realize how hungry I am. I can't believe I didn't hear my stomach growling before. "What do you want to eat?" Ross asks.

I still don't want to talk. I don't feel like talking. So I don't. I just stay silent, like I have been since my daddy died last night.

"Okay, I guess I'll just make you your favorite: chocolate chip pancakes." I nod. His chocolate chip pancakes are my favorite breakfast food.

He gets up and leaves the room and within minutes I inhale the sweet scent of chocolate pancakes wafting in from the kitchen.

"They're done!" He calls to me. After ten seconds, he brings in the pancakes on a tray with milk, butter, and syrup.

He places the tray on my lap and sits beside me. I thank him silently and hug him.

For the rest of the day, the six of us just hang out in Monica's apartment. I don't speak, and the others notice it, but they don't mention it (at least, not around me).

I get up, rinse my dinner plate off, and head for my room. I can't help but eavesdrop on the conversation going on outside. The subject has changed from Liza Minnelli to me. Or rather, my muteness.

"I miss hearing her voice," Phoebe says sadly.

Ross chimes in. "It's only been a day, yet I miss it."

"Yeah," Joey says sadly.

"When do you think she'll start speaking again?" Monica asks.

"Give her some time, she'll be speaking soon," Chandler assures her.

"I hope so."

* * *

Life continues on like this until the day of the funeral, me being isolated from everyone. I haven't spoken since before daddy died. Ross stays with me at night still, because otherwise the nightmares come back. We learned that the hard way the night of the conversation about me. I scream when I have nightmares.

The morning of the funeral, I awake to find Ross is nowhere to be seen, he went home to change into his suit.

I rifle through my closet, looking for a perfect black dress that is both gorgeous and respectful for today. I settle on a black cap-sleeved dress with a black and silver belt around the middle. Paired with some Jimmy Choo pumps with bows on them and a small black purse with a silver chain, the dress makes perfect funeral attire.

Once I am dressed, I lay down on my bed and sob into my pillow because no one can hear me. I hear Ross open our front door and I pull myself together. He gently knocks on my door, then opens it.

"Rach, your eyes are all red. Have you been crying?" I nod. "Sweetie, come here." He opens his arms to me. I walk into them and he envelopes me in a hug. I can feel the warmth radiating off his body, the polar opposite of shivering me. I shudder in his arms before tipping over the edge again. I weep onto his shoulder. He puts his hand on my back and rubs it.

When I let go, I feel incredibly sick. The bile rises up to my throat and I run to the bathroom, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I get up off the cold tile floor and flush the toilet, and wipe my mouth before going back out.

Monica is standing in her doorway. I run to her and scream into her shoulder. She whispers, "Everything will be alright. Don't you worry. Everything is going to be just fine."

Easy for her to say. _Her_ dad didn't just die._ She_ isn't on the way to her dad's funeral.

In a way, I feel cheated. He was supposed to be around for longer, to be able to see me get married and have kids. But fate just tore that away from him, from me. This isn't supposed to be how this would turn out. He should've peacefully died in his sleep years from now, not in a bleak grey hospital where he spent his last hours with needles and tubes in him. It isn't right.

As I scream into Monica's shoulder, I clutch my stomach, keeping the invisible hole inside of me from swallowing me from the inside out. I suppose there are no types of Bandaids for this kind of wound, an emotional one. Even though you can't see it, it's still there, painfully eating away at me until I'm engulfed in a sea of depression.

Somehow, she manages to get me out of the apartment and down into a waiting cab.

I don't remember the drive there. I just remember the other five all hugging me once we got to the funeral home. Then we paired off, Monica walking with Chandler, Phoebe walking with Joey, and I with Ross. I wrap my arms around his bicep and lean on him.

Together we walk up to the open casket. I lean over and look at my daddy one last time. He looks so fragile and pale, like a porcelain doll. He's dressed in a suit with a red rose in the pocket. He has a rosary around his neck. His eyes are closed like he's just sleeping.

And, in a way, he is sleeping. Sleeping the eternal sleep that he will never wake up from. I wonder if he's dreaming. Dreaming wonderful dreams, or having nightmares, or just nothingness.

It hits me that this is the last time I will ever see my daddy again, except for in photos. No longer will he hug me, or take me sailing, or show up unexpectedly at work to take me out for lunch.

I touch his face lightly, and I just can't hold the tears in any longer. I turn away and bawl. Ross escorts me to our seats.

Once we sit in the pew next to the others and my sisters, I rest my head on his shoulder and he rests his head on top of my head.

The preacher begins. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the life and mourn the death of Leonard Green. He was a great father with three daughters." The service continues on for about thirty minutes, with everyone crying, especially me.

We all make an appearance at the burial, all stopping to pray and throw a handful of dirt on top of the mahogany casket lowered into the ground containing my father's lifeless body.

As soon as the burial is over, Amy stops me. "Hi, look, I'm sorry about what I did at the hospital the other day, I was just very emotional. I was wondering if you wanted to come over to the house to be with the family, everyone's going to be there."

I shake my head no. I don't want to be with my family. I only want to snuggle up with Monica, Phoebe, and a bowl of extra buttery popcorn on the couch and watch Clueless.

I look over at Jill, who is flirting with Ross. Oh god, she's flirting with Ross! _No_! Not my baby sister, she needs to stay away from him, he's mine! Well, not exactly mine, but he's as good as mine. _Stay away from him!_

After about a minute and a half of Jill talking nonstop to the guy I'm desperately in love with, I decide I have to stop this madness. But before I can do anything, Phoebe walks over to Ross, puts her hand on his shoulder, leads him away, and throws a wink over her shoulder at me. I silently thank her for doing that.

I walk over to my five friends and they immediately hug me.

"Rach, we're going to the Thai place you love on our way back into town. Do you wanna come with us?"

I nod. I won't eat, but I still want to be with the five most important people in the world.

* * *

I lie awake in my room, staring at the ceiling. I can't sleep. Voices from the living room drift in so that I can easily hear the conversations going on in between my friends outside.

"Chandler, I thought you said she would be speaking, it's been three days and she's still not speaking." Phoebe sounds on the verge of tears.

"I really hope she'll start talking again soon, sweetie." Joey says.

"We all do." Monica chokes out, then clams up.

"Yeah, it's just, I just love her so much." Ross sighs.

What? He loves me? Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh. My. God. He loves me! _He loves me!_

Keep calm, Rachel. He probably is just saying that in a friend way. I mean, I love Joey, but I don't_ love_ love Joey.

"Ross, do you mean you love her like we love her, or like you love her romantically?" Chandler questions him. _Thank you, Chandler._

I bet that Monica is on the edge of her seat and Phoebe is chewing her hair. Chandler is leaning in, and Joey is doing the thing where his eyes look like they'll pop out of his head.

Ross hesitates, then speaks. "I actually love her. I am so in love with Rachel Karen Green."

**Hahahahah. Bet you didn't expect that one coming, did you? **

**Phoebe V/O: Next time on Friends: How will Rachel cope with this news? What will the rest of the gang think? And, most importantly, what will become of our two lobsters? Tune in next week to see!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: *gasp* I'm back. And I'm better than ever.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Friends. Or U2.**

Oh. My. God. He loves me?

He loves me! He really does love me, and not in just a friend way! This is perfect! We're going to be together, and everything will be spectacular! I wish Daddy could be here to meet him, he would love him.

Phoebe is the first to speak. "What?"

"I love her. I love her. _I love her._ I just wanna scream it from the rooftops."

I feel like a million bucks, like I could do anything. I wish that a) I was out there, and b) that I could talk. I would run up to him, grab him, kiss him, and tell him I love him.

He wants to scream it from the rooftops! That's got to be one of the most romantic things ever.

"But you just broke up with Eloise, I mean, isn't it a little too soon to be going after someone else?" Joey asks.

"I've had feelings for Rachel ever since I met her, well, _re_met her. I did have a giant crush on her all through high school and college, though. Besides, I didn't want to break up with Eloise over the phone, I was going to break up with her that day anyways. The person I really want to be with is Rachel."

I'm just so overjoyed, I feel like the world is spinning around me.

"This is so great!" Monica screams. "You are gonna tell her, right?"

"Of course. I don't know how, but I will tell her."

Wait. The world _is_ spinning around me. The lights in the room dim and my knees turn to jelly and I crumple in a heap to the floor.

* * *

I awake, laying on the floor, to find the other five looking at me. I blink and my eyes adjust to the lights around me. What just happened? I think I fainted. It feels like I was only out for a few seconds, although my clock tells me it is five minutes later. Yep, I definitely fainted.

"Shit, Rachel, you scared us!" Joey says.

"You freaked us all out," chimes in Phoebe.

"I was so worried about you," Ross helps me up and sits me on the bed.

Ross. He loves me. He loves me! A euphoric feeling fills me from head to toe. Desperately wanting another song sung to me, another night of snuggles from the person I love, I climb under the covers. Ross joins me and hugs me from behind. I flip over to face him. I'm so tempted to kiss him now, to let him know I reciprocate his feelings. But I can't yet. I have to fix my own issues so I don't hurt him.

I have to heal from my father's death, I have to mend all the holes inside of me, fix myself.

He starts singing. "See the stone set in your eyes, see the thorn twist in your side. I'll wait for you. Sleight of hand and twist of fate, on a bed of nails she makes me wait. I'll wait without you, with or without you."

A small cough snaps me out of my focus on Ross, and we both look over to where the others are. Phoebe, Joey, Monica, and Chandler are standing there, arms crossed, looking at us.

"Aww, I thought you guys were doing it! I didn't know that Ross was just singing to her to get her to sleep!" Phoebe squeals.

"Well, isn't this a lovely picture?" Chandler comments. Not entirely sure he's not gay.

"Guys, Rachel needs sleep, let's go." Monica winks at me before she starts to pull the rest out of the room.

Joey shoots a thumbs-up as he's being pulled out. To whom, I'm not sure. I guess both of us. But it's not like we're gonna do anything.

Don't get me wrong, all I wanna do is kiss him, but that wouldn't be fair to him. I can't do this. Not yet. Even though he loves me...

_No! Rachel Karen Green! You won't do this! You'll end up hurting him with your problems! Fix yourself! At least start talking so you can tell him you feel the same way! _But... Maybe just one kiss, so he'll know without words!_ Do you even hear yourself right now? You're being stupid. Listen to your brain, your heart's an idiot. _Then again, you're his best friend who he just so happens to be in love with!_ But no, don't do this, that would be stupid. _But…_ No._

I shift and adjust myself so my face is right in front of his. I love looking into his eyes. They're so gorgeous.

Ross leans in to me, presses his forehead up against mine, and says "Night, honey" in that sexy voice of his. My lips suddenly go out of control and meet his, betraying my mind, yet indulging my heart. His lips form to mine and my mind shuts down. All I want is him.

As he slips his tongue gently into my mouth, my mind takes over. I shouldn't be doing this. I pull away and sit up. "No. No, no, no."

Well, at least I'm talking again.

* * *

I run out of the apartment and into the hallway, shortly followed by Monica and Phoebe.

"What's going on?" Monica asks, tilting her head slightly. "Can you tell us?"

I take a deep breath and talk to two of my best friends for the first time in four days. "I kissed Ross. Phoebe, I need to stay at your place tonight."

"Oh my god, Rachel, you're talking again, thank god!" Phoebe shrieks.

"You kissed my brother?"

"Mon, it's a really long story, and yes I did. And then I realized that I shouldn't be because I would only be inflicting harm upon him right now. And so I really need to stay at Phoebe's tonight, so I can get away."

"Okay sweetie, anything you need, but just warning you, my grandma and her boyfriend might be there, and you won't be able to get any sleep. Do you want Monica to come too?"

"I'd like for her to come, and that's fine, but it's not like I'm not going to get any sleep anyway, I feel like such a bitch."

"They're still in there, would you like to wear some of my clothes tomorrow so you don't have to go pack a bag?"

"That'd be good." I moan.

"I'm gonna go in there and tell Chandler bye, just so he knows that tonight's gonna be a girls' night with lots of crying and alcohol."

"I think I'll do the same with Joey." Phoebe leads Monica in, and I feel a pang of guilt. That could be me. I could have a boyfriend. Ross could be my boyfriend, if I hadn't left him just a few moments ago. But I'm not ready for that yet. No matter how much I want it, I can't have it now.

I am so lost in thought that I don't even see Phoebe come out. "Phoebe, I wanna go back in. I wanna go back in there and tell Ross that I love him. I have to."

"No, you don't have to, you can do it tomorrow, or whenever you feel like it."

"I have to right now, I need him to know!" I shriek and try to pull away from Phoebe's prisonous grasp on my arm, but nothing works.

"Phoebe, please let me go." She shakes her head. "Phoebe let me go." Again her head shakes. "Phoebe. Let. Me. Go." I pause and add, "_Now_."

"Rachel, I don't want you doing anything Future You would not let you do. I know Future You would not condone this. I know Future You, and even though I can't tell you what happens to her, I can tell you she would not approve. So come on, let's go. Monica can catch up." It's my turn to shake my head.

"Phoebe, I know what I'm doing when I say _Let me go now, Phoebe Buffay_!" I shriek. I continue to struggle until Chandler, Joey, and Monica bolt out.

"What's going on?" Joey asks, more to Phoebe than to me. He tilts his head. "Pheebs, sweetie, let Rachel go."

"Sorry babe, but I can't. She wants to go back inside before we leave, to see Ross. Future Rachel doesn't think it would be such a great idea."

"Rach, trust me, you don't wanna see Ross right now, he's a mess. Worse than when we were in college and he got the stomach flu." Chandler tries unsuccessfully to get me away.

"Rachel, come on. Let's go to Phoebe's. We'll order pizza and breadsticks." Monica lightly touches my shoulder, and I release all the tension. I sigh.

"Whatever." What I really mean is "fuck you, Monica, I wanna stay here and see Ross", but I don't say that. Monica grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers and Phoebe lets go of my arm, revealing red marks on my skin. As soon as we get out of the building and into a cab, I let all my frustration out onto Monica's shoulder.

How could I ever do that? I'm so disgusted with myself. I _loathe_ myself.

* * *

I wake up on Phoebe's floor. Monica and Pheebs are still asleep, so I make some coffee and do my makeup. After thirty minutes, they're still asleep, and I just stare at Phoebe's phone and it starts to ring. I quickly pick it up, not wanting to face grumpy Monica and Phoebe. They're both scary when they're angry.

"Hello?" I whisper.

"Rachel, it's me." Joey's voice replies back. "You're the one I wanted to talk to. You need to get home. Now."

"Why?" Worst-case scenarios fly through my head at the speed of sound, all involving Ross. Did he go into a comatose after all the jello shots? Did he jump off the balcony? Anything could have happened.

"It's Ross, it's not good, I'll explain when you get here."

"Joey, I'm on my way."

**A/N: I know, I know, we're _still _going on with this story? When is this chick gonna end it?**

**I'm gonna end it soon. Hopefully.**

**I've got a few new ideas for new stories, a Mondler one and another Lobsterstory, but I've got to finish this one first.**

**Sorrynotsorry that I've got you hanging off the edge of a cliff right now, but I've already started on a new chapter that (hopefully) won't take as long as this one. **

**More angst soon.**


End file.
